Red vs Blue with Multiverser: The Blood Gulch Chronicles
by ShepardisaBOSS
Summary: Those who know them are familiar with the antics of the Reds and Blues. But what happens when a Multiverser gets thrown into the mix? Chaos. Hilarity. And pure awesomeness. This is Red vs. Blue, Multiverser style! Inspired by the omake included in VindictiveDunc's fic "MLTI VRSE". Follows Seasons 1 through 5.
1. Why Are We Here? (Seriously, WHY!)

**Okay, here's the deal. I posted this story on this site before, and it got taken down (due to a non-story chapter I posted). I'll try not to do that again, so wish me luck this time around.  
><strong>

**I'd also like to point this out right now. The main character of this story is a Multiverser. For those of you who don't know what it is, a Multiverser is a person who is Omnipotent, Omniscient, and Omni-Present. That means a Multiverser can literally do anything, which might make them come off as a bit Mary Sue-ish. They also seem to have a habit of gaining a harem of women they fall in love with with every universe they visit. Therefore, if any of what I just described isn't your cup of tea, then I suggest turning around and reading another fic. If what I described IS to your liking, than feel free to enjoy yourself.**

**Anyway, concerning how I made this story, I got inspiration for this story from the Omake chapter in VindictiveDunc's story "MLTI VRSE," based off of the Rooster Teeth show known as RWBY. In the first half of the Omake, Duncan and Yang were watching the first two episodes of Red vs. Blue, another show made by Rooster Teeth. During the second episode, it is shown that Duncan is on both of the Blood Gulch teams, as the characters Duncan (Blue Team) and Will (Red Team).**

**I would also like to inform you that I have permission from VindictiveDunc to do this story, so please don't rank on me for this.**

**Anyway, here's the disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN RED VS. BLUE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM! IT IS THE RIGHTFUL PROPERTY OF ROOSTER TEETH AND ALL THEIR COMEDIC GLORY!**

**And with that out of the way, time to get this show on the road! Here's the first chapter of Red vs. Blue w/ Multiverser!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1: Why Are We Here? (Seriously, WHY?!)<strong>

* * *

><p>Blood Gulch.<p>

A freaking hole in the ground in the middle of freaking nowhere. That is **literally** the best way I can describe this forsaken place. Its always hot and sunny, there's no lake or trees, and the only source of shade (or signs of intelligent (?) life, for that matter) are two plain bases in the middle of this boxed canyon.

Downside: those two bases happen to be the property of the (arguably) biggest idiots in this freaking universe.

Upside: I can't help but love said idiots. Somewhat.

Well, might as well get this out of the way now. I'm Michael Shepard, a Multiverser. For those of you who are new to this, a Multiverser is a person with the power to make reality their personal playground. We can pretty much do anything, and spend most of our time visiting and inhabiting other universes. Universes based on things that we thought were fiction.

One such universe is this one. The world of Red vs. Blue, brought to our knowledge in our world through a web series created by Rooster Teeth.

And it is freaking **HILARIOUS!**

But getting back on track, let's meet these guys in their natural habitats.

We now find ourselves at on of these bases, which has three soldiers (two in Mjolnir armor, one wearing Hayabusa armor with a katana on his back) standing on top looking out over the canyon. One soldier wears maroon armor, another wearing orange (though many confuse it with yellow, for some reason), and the last wearing black armor with silver and red stripes. They are Private Richard "Dick" Simmons (maroon), Private Dexter Grif (orange), and Private First Class S. "Sully" Verser (black, silver, red).

In case you didn't notice, Sully Verser is me. You see, I'm on both teams, though under different names. If anyone ever asks, we/I can just say we're brothers. At least until I can trust these guys enough to tell them the truth. Until then, business as usual.

* * *

><p><em>Sully Verser's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>"Hey," Simmons said.<p>

"Yeah?" Grif asked.

"What is it?" I asked.

Turning to face us, Simmons asked "You ever wonder why we're here?"

Upon saying that, Grif leaned on the wall next to him and thought for a second. "One of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we really the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night."

Michael then added his two cents. "But if there really is a God, then what if, as a part of his plan for us, he made more than just one universe? I mean, there is the whole Multiverse theory, so it could be possible. But is it really a part of His plan, or was it all just happenstance that lead to its creation?"

Grif stared at me for a second. "Wow. That is...that is really deep, man."

And for the next few moments, everything was quiet.

"...What?!" Simmons asked. "I meant why are we out here in this canyon?"

Grif and I started shuffling in place and looking away nervously. "Oh. Uh, yeah," Grif said.

"Yeah, uh, that's true, huh?" I added.

"What was all that stuff about God?"

"Nothing," we both said.

"...You two wanna talk about it?"

"No," we both said again.

Sighing in defeat, Simmons asked "Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell," he motioned around the whole place, "it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out."

"Mm hmm," I hummed in agreement. I couldn't deny what we all thought: we all hated this place.

"The only reason we set up a Red Base here," Simmons continued as he pointed at the ground, then pointed to the other end of the canyon as he continued "is because they have a Blue Base over there. And the only reason they set up a Blue Base over there, is because we have a Red Base here."

"Yeah," Grif said. "That's because we're fighting each other."

"No, no. But I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and if they were to come take our base, they would have** two** bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking doo," Simmons finished sarcastically.

"What's up with that, anyway?" Grif asked. "I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys."

I turned to face Grif and stared at him for a moment. "Didn't you get drafted?" I asked innocently.

"...Shut the fuck up, Sully."

* * *

><p>And now, we look to a nearby cliff with two members of Blue Team. Private Leonard L. Church, the cobalt armored de facto leader of the team (and world's worst sniper ever. Of all time); and Private Lavernius Tucker, the aqua armored "lady's man" of Blue Team and future swordsman. They were running reconnaissance on Red Team, with Church using the sniper rifle to spy on them.<p>

"What are they doing?" Tucker asked.

Church turned around and aggravatingly asked "What?"

"I said, 'What are they doing now?'"

Church stared trying to massage his head through his helmet, clearly attempting to get rid of his growing annoyance. "God Damn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!"

Tucker held up his hands defensively. "You have they fucking sniper rifle, I can't see shit. Don't start to bitch at me because I'm not going to sit up here and play with my di-"

"Okay, okay, look," Church interrupted, "they're just standing there and talking, okay? That's all they're doing. That's all they **ever** do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from **now**, when you ask me, 'What are they doing?' my answer's gonna be, 'They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there.'"

...

...

...

...

"...What are they talking about?" Tucker asked.

"...You know what? I fucking hate you."

"Don't be such an asshole, Church. He was just asking a question (albeit an annoying one)."

They both turned around to see a soldier coming up the ramp. He was wearing black Hayabusa armor with silver and blue stripes, and a katana on his back. This is my double on Blue team, Private Michael Verser, the team's martial artist/master swordsman/infiltrator. He's also the one soldier that Church **doesn't** hate, and the only one he really **respects**. And that's saying something.

"Well I wouldn't be such an asshole to him if he didn't keep bugging the shit out of me," Church replied. "And why are you here, Michael? I thought you were in the middle of an 'enthusiastic stroll' through the canyon."

Michael shrugged and said "I finished early, so I decided to see what you guys were looking at. Is Sully there?"

Returning his sniper to the Reds to spy, Church replied "Yeah, he's still there, talking with the others. You know, the orange guy and the maroon guy."

"The lazy ass and the kiss ass?"

"Yeah, those are the ones."

* * *

><p><em>Sully Verser's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>"Talk about a waste of resources," Grif complained. "I mean, we should be out there, finding new and intelligent forms of life..you know, fight them."<p>

I raised my hands in exasperation. "That's what I've been saying for years! Nobody ever listens to me!"

"Seriously, this is why they should put us in charge," Simmons added.

"Ladies! Front and center on the double!"

And there's my biggest headache on Red Team. Sarge, the red armored, shotgun-wielding leader of Red Team, and a man whose half-baked schemes lead to a never ending pain in the ass for me. Because he's my CO, and I can't go against him without becoming a 'traitor,' or unless my logic can beat his.

Getting down to the front of the base, the three of us stood at attention.

"Hurry up, ladies," Sarge said. "This ain't no ice cream social."

Grif and Simmons exchanged looks, while I was left scratching my head. "Ice cream social, sir?" I asked. "Really?"

"Stop with the pillow talk, you three. Anyone want to guess why I called you out here today?"

Grif raised his hand. "Is it because the war's over, and your sending us home?" I facepalmed, knowing what he had just set himself up for.

"That's right, private," Sarge said mockingly. "War's over. We won. Turns out your the **big** hero and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float. Shepard gets to choose the music to play. And Simmons here **IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"** Sarge finished, yelling out that last bit to admonish his most hated subordinate.

"I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir," Grif said nonchalantly.

Sarge started trembling in rage a bit. "Goddamn it, Private! Shut your mouth before I have Simmons here slit your throat while you're asleep!"

Turning to look at Grif, Simmons added "Oh I'd do it, too!" I glared at Simmons as he said that. The one thing I cannot stand about this guy is how much of a fucking kiss ass his is!

"I know you would, Simmons," Sarge said with fucking **pride** in his voice. "Good man." After a brief pause, he continued "Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1."

Grif slumped at that, saying "Crap, we're getting a rookie." I couldn't help but feel in his slight depression. Donut started out as one of the more normal of these guys, but then became so freaking annoying (especially during the fifth season with his whole anti-drug lingo phase).

"That's right, dead man," Sarge confirmed. "Our new recruit will be here within the week, but today we received the first part of our shipment from Command." We all exchanged looks with each other before Sarge said "Lopez, bring up the vehicle."

And here comes Lopez, the mechanic of Red Team. He wore the same Mjolnir armor the others wore, except his was brown. Though Grif and Simmons didn't know it yet, Lopez was actually a robot. And when he gets his voice, he'll only be able to speak in freaking Spanish! Not that that's a problem for me, but still! Why have a robot speak a language no one else on the team can understand?!

I digress, though. Lopez came up to our base in our new, armor-plated, jeep-like vehicle (complete with a built-in turret) before parking it next to us.

Me: "Shotgun!"

Simmons: "Shotgun!"

Grif: "Shotgun!"

Simmons and Grif: "Fuck!"

"May I introduce our new, light reconnaissance vehicle," Sarge started with appreciation. "It has four-inch armor plating; mag bumper suspension; a mounted gunner position; and total seating for 3. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Warthog."

The three of us were left staring at the vehicle. "Why Warthog, sir?" Simmons asked his CO.

"Because M12 LRV is too long to say in a conversation, son," was the response.

"No, I mean, why call it a Warthog?" Grif asked. "I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig."

I couldn't help but facepalm once more at Grif's stupidity, as he once again gained Sarge's wrath aimed at him. With narrowed eyes, Sarge said "Say that again."

"I think it looks more like a puma." And thus began the comment that started an argument between RvB fans throughout the world.

"What in Sam Hell is a puma?" Sarge asked.

"Uh, you mean like the shoe company?" Simmons asked. For a supposedly smart guy, how could he not know what a freaking puma is?!

"No, like a big cat," Grif said, "like a lion."

Sarge simply stared and said "You're making that up."

"I'm telling you, it's a real animal!"

Raising my hand, I added "He's telling the truth, sir. It's a big, black cat that's native to jungles. And, honestly, if you look closely it kinda does look like a puma."

Exasperated, Sarge cried out "Damn it, Sully! You see these two tow hooks?" I nodded. "They look like tusks. And **what** animal has tusks?"

"A walrus," Grif deadpanned.

"Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!"

"But he **just** said pumas were real!"

* * *

><p><em>Michael Verser's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>"What is that thing?" Tucker asked. Seems the Reds finally got their Warthog. Donut's sure to be close behind, along with Sheila and Caboose for us.<p>

I better get ready for him. I may be immortal, but I am not going to just let myself get accidentally team killed by Caboose.

"I don't know, man," Church said. "Looks like, uh...looks like they've got some sorta car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it."

"A car?!" Tucker cried out. "How come they get a car?!"

"What are you complaining about, man?" Church asked. "We're about to get a **tank** in the very next drop."

Looking down in disappointment, Tucker said "You can't pick up chicks in a tank."

Church started to get another migraine before I stepped in. "Tucker, I hate to break it to you...actually, I'd love to break it to you. You can't pick up chicks **at all.** It doesn't matter what vehicle you're in."

"You're a dick," Tucker grumbled. With a sigh, he asked "Well, what kind of car is it?"

Church and I brought up our sniper rifles (mine was _Avalon_ in disguise) before Church answered "I dunno, I've never seen a car like that before. It kinda looks like a, uh...like a big cat of some kind."

"...What, like a puma?" Tucker asked.

"Yeah, man, there you go."

"I don't know," I said as I looked at it. "It kinda looks more like a pig. You know, like a, uh...like a, like a warthog."

* * *

><p><em>Sully Verser's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>Sarge and I had been arguing about the name of the M12 LRV for a good five minutes now. Finally, Sarge said "Damn it all, son, will you just tell me how in Sam Hell this looks like a 'Puma?!' If you can do that, I'll drop the whole thing!"<p>

Knowing I might regret it with Grif later, I decided to pull a Duncan. "Okay, Sarge. How's this? Which mental image is more pleasing to you: a warthog impaling Grif with its tusks? Or a viscous puma eviscerating him piece by bloody piece? He doesn't even have to be alive for it to happen, as the puma could've torn out his throat and let him bleed to death."

Grif stared at me in a perfect mixture of shock and horror, while Simmons looked ready to blow chunks at the mere thought of all that carnage. **"WHAT THE FUCK, SULLY?!"** Grif cried out.

Sarge, after a moment of thinking, smiled behind his helmet and happily said "Change of plans, ladies! From here on out, we're calling this thing the Puma! Now you two help me out with the ammo," he said to Grif and Simmons. "Its not gonna load itself!"

Dejectedly, Grif said "Yes, sir."

While they did that, I headed back into Red Base just in time to get a call. The caller ID said this was from Honolulu, Hawaii, meaning it could only be one person. I went into my room and opened up the vid screen, showing a beautifully tanned girl with a small amount of freckles and red hair tied into two short pigtails.

_"Hey, baby! How are you?"_

Kaikaina Grif, the color blind younger sister of Dexter Grif and future member of Blue Team. Unknown to Dexter, Kaikaina is also my girlfriend. Yeah, if he ever finds out about that, he will try to kill me (and fail), even if he's out of shape.

Our secret relationship happened after I was asked to tutor her, as her grades were beginning to tank (a product of parties). The two of us, didn't exactly see eye to eye at first. However, after I saved her from nearly getting date raped by some junkie, we began to become rather friendly with each other. After months of hanging out, we started becoming attracted to each other, and eventually fell in love. At that point, I decided to trust her with my biggest secret.

That's right, she knows that I'm a Multiverser. And she honestly didn't care one bit. "We all carry baggage," she said knowing how corny it sounded. "The trick is finding a matching set."

So from then on, we told each other everything. Sure, we had some fights from stuff we said, but we always managed to get past them. Plus, we both agreed that make-up sex is just the **best.**

"Hey, Kai," I greeted with a smile. "How're things in Honolulu?"

_"Not bad,"_ she admitted. With concern, she added _"Though I did hear about the Covenant recently landing in New Mombasa. If I didn't already know everything would turn out okay, I'd be pretty worried."_

"Don't worry," I assured her, "that bastard Truth is gonna get his soon enough."

She chuckled at that. _"Yeah. So, what's going on in Boring Town?"_

"Well, we recently got the jeep, which we're now calling the Puma-"

_"You actually convinced Sarge to call it that?!"_ Kaikaina exclaimed in shock. _"How?"_

I grew a bit nervous at that. "I, uh, gave him the mental image of, uh...a puma eviscerating your brother."

Scowling, she then facepalmed. _"Seriously, what is his problem with Dex?!"_

"I wish I knew, Kai. I wish I knew." We both sighed. "Anyway, Donut'll be coming soon, along with Caboose and Sheila. That means Tex and Omega won't be too far behind, either."

Kaikaina nodded. _"The clone of Carolina's mom, right?"_

I sweatdropped a bit. "In a way, yeah."

_"Right, okay. How's Lina doing, anyway? I really miss her."_ Yeah, I should get this out of the way right now: I'm dating Agent Carolina as well. And the three of us are in a polyamorous relationship with each other.

Long story for another time.

"She's still in hiding from Project Freelancer, along with North, South, Theta, Eta, Iota, Tex, Delta and Omega."

_**"And me."**_

Oh, right. That would be Akima, a.k.a. Lambda. She's my A.I./girlfriend, taken from the clutches of Project Freelancer.

Again, long story, not the time to tell it.

Chuckling, I said "Yeah, you too, Lamb."

_**"Good to know I'm still remembered,"**_ she said playfully. **_"By the way, someone's coming."_**

I heard someone coming, so I decided to cut the call short. "Sorry, but I have to go. Talk to you later, Kai."

Blowing a kiss at me, she said _"See ya later, baby."_

The door opened as Akima disappeared and the screen turned off. In the doorway was Grif, helmet tucked under his arm to show the angry look on his chubby, tanned face. "Dude, what the **fuck** was that all about with the jeep?!"

"Sorry," I said apologetically, "but I just wanted him to drop the whole thing."

Sighing, Grif said "Fine. Anyway, who were you just talking to?"

"Huh? Oh, Kai. She was just checking in to see how we're doing."

He smiled at that. "Well, I'm just glad you two met. Ever since you started tutoring her, her whole personality started changing for the better."

_**'I bet the sex helped as well,'**_ Akima teased in my head.

Rolling my eyes, I said "Yeah, tell me about it. Anyway, where's Sarge?"

"He's getting ready to leave for a meeting at Red Command."

"Nice! We get time off from that wacko! Plus, I'm in charge in the meantime."

"Nice." Stretching tiredly, he said "Well, I'm going to go take a nap. Later, Sully."

"Later, Grif." As soon as he left, I decided to take a nap myself.

I was gonna need it for what was soon to come.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, that's my first chapter of Red vs. Blue w Multiverser. Quite an interesting start, huh? I'm on both teams as a pair of "brothers," I have my own A.I., and I'm secretly dating both Kaikaina Grif (a.k.a. Sister) and Agent Carolina (who will not be showing up for some time, unfortunately T-T).**

**Again, I just want to point out that VindictiveDunc is cool with me basing this off of his omake chapter section. Plus, once again, I don't own Red vs. Blue!**

**Anyway, please leave a review or comment. BUT NO FLAMES ALLOWED!**

**Till next time, ShepardisaBOSS is out of here!**


	2. The Problem with Rookies

**Here's the next chapter, folks! Enjoy!**

**Also, before I forget, here's the disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN RED VS BLUE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM! IT IS THE RIGHTFUL PROPERTY OF ROOSTER TEETH! MAY THEY KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!**

**Anyway, LET THE SHOW BEGIN!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2: The Problem with Rookies<strong>

* * *

><p>Well, it's another boring day here in Blood Gulch. Both teams are just going about, doing their usual thing.<p>

Little did they know, however, that their lives were about to change.

**Forever.**

You see, in a way, the story truly began when both Red Team and Blue Team received their rookies: Private Franklin Delano Donut of Red Team, and Private Michael J. Caboose of Blue Team. Without them, none of their adventures would've taken place, and some asshole parties would've gotten away with their evil plans.

But that's in the future. For now, we'll focus on the present, when the rookies have just arrived.

Let's first take a look at what's happening at Red Base.

* * *

><p><em>Sully Verser's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>"Hey, that's not exactly what happened," Simmons said.<p>

It's been a couple of days since Sarge left for Red Command to receive new orders, and left me in charge. My first order of business: for us to keep doing what we usually do until Sarge gets back.

Which pretty much equates to standing around and talking amongst ourselves. Simmons and Grif had managed to get into another argument (big surprise there), which left them oblivious to the figure in standard red armor walking up the ramp behind us. Realizing what was going to happen soon, I prepared myself for the upcoming insanity.

"Yes, it is," Grif argued. "You said 'I'm not going to the Vegas Quadrant,' and then the next thing I know, you're on an escape pod to-"

"Hate to break up your pillow talk," I quipped, "but we have a guest."

"Hello, sirs," the soldier said.

"Sirs?" Grif soon realized who this was and said "Aw crap."

Saluting, Donut continued "I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1 and speak to whoever's in charge."

"Sorry, man," Grif said with a shrug. "Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't no one in charge today."

"Actually, Private, he left Private First Class Sully in charge while he's gone," Simmons corrected.

"Kiss ass."

"Also, he told me that if I had any trouble with you I should..." Clearing his throat, he continued _"'Git in the Puma, and crush yer head like a tomato-can.'"_

"...That is the worst impression I've ever heard," Grif commented.

"Of all time," I added offhandedly. Realizing what I said, I muttered "Geez, David must've rubbed off on me a bit."

Turning to face Donut, Simmons asked "Okay, rookie, what's your story?"

"Private Donut, reporting for duty, sir," the rookie eagerly replied. "I'm ready to fight some aliens."

Grif held up a hand before saying "Couple of things here, rookie. First off: Private Donut? I think someone needs a new nickname."

"Actually, Grif," I interjected, "Donut is his last name. Private Franklin Delano Donut."

"Okay, that's **worse** than having Donut as a nickname." Turning to the rookie, Grif continued "My advice, is change your last name."

"What's wrong with my n-"

"Secondly," the overweight orange soldier interrupted, "what's with the armor color?"

Showing off his armor, Donut said "This **is** the standard issue red."

"Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two types of people wear the standard issue red: officers and recruits. And since **you're** not threatening to gut me like a fish-"

"Like our possibly senile CO," I added.

"Thank you," Grif said. "-Like our senile CO, you're probably not an officer."

Donut looked at Simmons for a moment. "Well, **he's** wearing red armor."

"No, my armor's maroon," Simmons clarified, "your's is red."

"Well, how do I get a different armor color?"

"I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap," Simmons said wearily.

"Don't be too sure, Simmons," I said while looking in the direction of Blue Base. "Don't be too sure."

* * *

><p><em>Michael Verser's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>So, here we are. Looking at one of the most wonderful land vehicles ever created by man. A vehicle that is, in the immortal words of Sergeant Johnson,"66-tons of H-E spewing divine intervention."<p>

A tank.

It's...it's beautiful. *sniff*

And **this** blue armored idiot is totally ruining the moment.

"So, I say to the guy, 'how're you going to get the tank down to the planet?' And he goes, 'I'll just put it on the ship,' and I go, 'If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, then why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?'"

Private Michael J. Caboose. The rookie of Blue Team, expert team-killer, self-proclaimed best friend of Church, and quite possibly **the stupidest person in the universe.** No joke, this guy literally becomes so stupid later on, I could get an aneurysm from the amount of stupid he gives off.

"Hey, kid?" Tucker said.

"Yeah?"

You're ruining the moment," he said, quite visibly annoyed. Turning to look at the tank again, he added "Shut up."

"Oh. Okay. You got it man!"

"You know what?" Church asked in awe. "I could blow up the whole god damn world in this thing."

Putting my arm around his shoulder, I said "Yeah. It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Church looked at me with a puzzled expression before asking "Dude...are you **crying?"**

"*sniff* These are tears of happiness, Church. From looking at the greatest land vehicle of this universe."

"...You have a tank fetish or something?" Tucker asked awkwardly.

"Not at all, Tucker. I'm just appreciating the beauty of a well crafted piece of art."

"You are not driving the tank," Church deadpanned.

***SHING***

"You take that back," I ordered evenly, my blade right at Church's throat.

Waving his hands in surrender, the cobalt leader hastily said "Okayokayokay, you can drive the tank." Placing _Masamune_ back in my sheath, he added "Psycho."

***SHING***

"Jesus Christ, calm down!"

* * *

><p><em>Sully Verser's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>By this point, the three of us agreed to get rid of Donut for a while (though I only did it to continue the plot, as Church's "death" was needed to move things along). So we all agreed to send him on an "important mission" for us.<p>

"Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal," Simmons started.

"I just refuse to call him Private Donut!" Grif protested.

"You don't have to, Grif," I whispered. "Now shut up so we can send him out."

"We've got a very important mission for you. Think you can handle it?"

"Absolutely!" Donut stated.

With barely contained giggling, I said "We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease."

"Yeah, and uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Puma," Grif added.

"The what?"

"Our assault vehicle," Simmons clarified.

"You do know where the store is, right rookie?" Grif asked.

"What?" asked Donut. He then tried to cover up his lack of knowledge of the prank by quickly saying "Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem."

"Then get going," said Simmons.

Donut then started to run away from the base. After reaching a good enough distance, I yelled out "Other way."

He quickly turned around and said "I knew that. Just got turned around that's all."

And so, the three of us stood at the top of the base, watching Donut run off into the distance. He'd find his way to Blue Base soon enough, thanks to the help of Future Church (and all that time travel bullshit).

"How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?" Simmons asked.

Assuming a thinking pose, Grif answered "I say...at least a week."

"I bet you all the money in our wallets he gets back to our base before the day is out," I said, taking out my wallet to emphasize my point.

The two soldiers stared at me for a moment before fishing out their wallets. "Deal," they both said.

_**'You know, sometimes I love it when you cheat.'**_

_'Yeah, Akima, I know.'_

* * *

><p><em>Michael Verser's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>Looking at the tank a bit, Tucker said "You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece."<p>

Church groaned in annoyance (again). "Oh man, listen to you. What are you gonna do with two chicks?"

"Church, women are like Voltron," Tucker said plainly. "The more you can hook up, the better it gets."

***SHING***

With _Masamune_ pressed up on Tucker's throat, I calmly said "Now Tucker. I would appreciate it if you stopped talking for now. Okay?"

"O-O-O-O-O-Okay," he shakily replied.

Smiling underneath my helmet, I happily said "Good," as I returned my blade to its sheath. Even though I was pretty much a hypocrite in the fact that I seemed to keep getting girls in every universe I go to, I honestly had no control over that stuff. Tucker though? Idiots like him give men a bad name, and need to be put in their place every now and then.

_Plus, I like seeing people sweat bullets when I pull out Masamune._

_...Oh great, I really **am** becoming more and more like Duncan._

"Wow," Caboose said. "He is a scary person."

"And yet, I managed to get myself into a romantic relationship. (Several, actually)"

"Wait, you're in a relationship?" Church asked in surprise.

"Yeah," I said. "They're a bit rough to be with at first, but once you get to know them, they're an-"

"'They?'" Tucker asked. "You're dating more than one girl?!"

"That's right, Private Tucker," I said with fake cheerfulness. "I'm in a relationship with more than one girl, and the others are okay with it. And unlike me, you'll never even get **one** girl."

Dropping to his knees, Tucker begged "Please, oh great one. Please teach me your secret ways."

"Nope," I said with a smile.

"Asshole."

"What about you Church?" I asked, ignoring the perverted idiot. "You got anyone?"

Coughing nervously, he said "Yeah, I've, uh...I've actually got a girl back home."

"Oh yeah?" Tucker asked, suddenly interested in the topic. "Girlfriend or wife?"

"No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but then I got shipped out...ah, you know how it works."

I nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm still with the girls, but...it's kind of a long distance thing. At least until I can get shipped back."

"I'm never getting married," Caboose said. "My dad always said, 'Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?'"

I resisted the urge to take _Masamune_ out again, while Church was glaring angrily as he walked up to the idiotic rookie. "Hey rookie," he growled out, "did you just call my girlfriend a **cow?"**

"No, I think he called her a **slut!"** Tucker said.

Fighting down his anger, Church said "Tell you what, n00b. I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long. But as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do."

"Great," Caboose said, slightly downcast.

"See," Church started, "we've got this General-"

"Right, the General guy."

Glaring at Tucker for interrupting him, Church continued "...who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm going to have you do, is have you go in the base, and have you stand right next to the flag at attention. Just in case he decides to drop by."

"When is he coming by?" Caboose asked.

"Who knows?" I replied. "Could be today, could be a week from now. He likes to keep us on our toes with this kind of stuff."

The rookie became exasperated upon hearing that. "You want me to stand at attention for a whole week?!"

"You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag."

"What's so important about the flag?" the blue rookie asked.

"Oh, come on, don't they teach you guys anything in training?" Church asked sarcastically.

"They didn't tell us anything about a flag," Caboose defended. "Why is it so important?"

"Because it's the flag, man," Church said, "you know, it's the...it's the flag, it's...Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important."

"Yeah, Tuck," I added, "explain to the rookie why the flag is so important. I'm sure a veteran such as yourself can explain why."

Tucker glared at me before turning to Caboose. "Well...it's...it's complicated," Tucker tried to explain. "Uh...It's blue, we're blue."

And for many a fan, **that** is when they realized Red vs. Blue boiled down to nothing more than a game of **Capture the fucking Flag.** While heavily armed. And are capable of dying in these exercises.

It was times like these that I seriously questioned the intelligence of the human race.

"It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the General comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag."

"Right," I said. "Because inspecting a flag is the most important thing he lives for. He even gave up his chance to be with his family in order to inspect flags."

"...I think he's kind of a sad person," Caboose said, feeling sorry for the "general."

Pointing at the base, Church continued "So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him."

Caboose started heading toward the base, but then turned around and asked "Uh, how will I know when I see him?"

"There's only four of us out here, rookie," Tucker answered. "He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us."

"Now get in there and don't come out!" Church yelled. As soon as Caboose was gone, Church looked at Tucker and said "Man, that guy is even dumber than you are."

"I think you mean he's dumber than **you** are," Tucker said.

I clapped slowly. "Wow. You are a shining example to all who strive to make awesome comebacks, Private Tucker. Truly you are."

"Um, Mr. Church, sir?" Caboose called out from inside the base.

Shaking in anger, Church said "Oh my God, **WHAT?!"** He looked at us and added "Guys, I swear, I'm going to kill him!"

_If by that you mean you're going to be continuously team killed by Caboose, then yes. Yes you will._

Poking his head out of the base, Caboose said "Sorry for calling your girlfriend a slut..."

Church reached his boiling point and screamed **"ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!"** He ran back to guard the flag, while Tucker turned around to laugh at the scene. Church noticed this and asked "Tucker, are you laughing at me?"

At that moment, I was frozen in place as I saw Donut show up behind Church. "Uh, excuse me, sir, can I ask you a question?"

Church didn't even bother to try and turn around. "Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around, and you're not inside-"

"Uh, Church?" I tried to say.

"Shut up," the cobalt "sniper" cut me off. He then went back to threatening the red rookie. "If I turn around, and you're not inside, I...I can't be held responsible for what I'm about to do to you!"

"What did I do?" Donut asked in exasperation.

"One."

"Seriously, Church-"

**"TWO!"**

"Fine!" Donut cried out, running into the base while I simply watched. Completely dumbfounded at my so-called leader.

_'Why didn't I try to take over as leader when I had the chance?!'_

* * *

><p><em>Third-Person's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>Donut walked into the base, and found himself standing in front of Caboose and the blue flag. "Wow, you sure got here fast!"<p>

"Why is everyone so freaking **rude** in this canyon?" Donut asked.

"I'm not, sir," Caboose defended. "What can I do for you?"

Throwing his arms up, Donut cried out **"Finally,** someone with a little respect around here!"

Turning toward the flag, Caboose said "Yes, sir! I assume you're here because of this..."

Donut looked at the flag, then back to Caboose. "Wait, is this all you have?"

"Uh, yes, sir. That's it!"

Donut face palmed his helmet. "Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about elbow grease?"

Caboose nervously shifted his feet. "Uhhh..."

"Headlight fluid?" Donut asked hopefully.

"No," Caboose said. "All we have is this flag."

Sighing, Donut said "Well, I can't go back empty handed. I guess I'll take that."

Caboose shrugged, though was a bit confused. "Sure, that makes sense. I guess."

Leaving the base with the flag, Donut said to himself "Oh man, they're gonna give me so much **shit** for coming back with just this stupid flag."

* * *

><p><em>Michael Verser's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>I shook my head as I watched Donut leave with the flag. "Honestly, I can't believe there are actually people this stupid," I said to myself.<p>

"Well, enough gabbing out of us," Church said. "Let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker."

"Me? I can't drive that thing."

"You're telling me you're not Armor Certified?" Church asked.

Tucker held up his hands as he defended himself. "I ca- I don't even know how to use the fucking **sniper rifle.** Don't **you** know how to drive that?"

**"No!"** Rubbing his temples through the helmet, Church exclaimed "Holy **Crap!** Who is running this army!?"

I sighed. Although I could drive Sheila-

**_'Bow Chicka Bow Wow!'_**

_'Not now, Akima!'_

As I was saying, although I was able to drive Sheila, I decided to keep quiet about it so Caboose could move the plot forward. I really didn't want to risk changing things so much that they went beyond my control. Crazy shit happens when things go out of my control.

Less said, the better. Though I still have nightmares about Duncan's so-called "training." And Guatemala.

God damned Guatemala.

Emerging from the base, Caboose called out "Hey! Just wanted to let you know the General stopped by and picked up the flag!

"Yeah! Okay! Whatever, moron!" Looking at Tucker, Church said "Why would they give us a tank, if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing?" He took a moment to let what the rookie said sink in before asking "...Wait a second...what did he just say?"

I face palmed. _'Seriously, why am I not in charge?!'_

* * *

><p>After a few minutes of chewing out our rookie, we managed to find Donut. Who managed to get lost. In the middle of a box canyon. With only two bases.<p>

Idiot.

"Oh, shit," Church said as he got a look at the guy. "Hey, Tucker, look at his armor. It's red."

"Oh, man," Tucker groaned. "That means its their Sergeant."

"That makes sense. At least now we know how he got past our defenses."

I turned to look at Church. "Yeah, that's how," I said sarcastically. "It's not like he managed to get in while you two had your backs turned, while you were thinking it was Caboose," I said to Church, "or while you were laughing your ass off like the complete** IDIOT THAT YOU ARE!"** I roared at Tucker.

"Well if you knew, why didn't you stop him?" Caboose asked.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Shut the fuck up, Caboose," I growled out.

"You know what?" Church asked. "It doesn't matter. We're about to nip this problem at the bud. Say good night, Sarge." He then raised his sniper rifle, aimed it at Donut, and fired.

Four times.

And missed.

**Every.**

**Single.**

**Shot.**

* * *

><p>"Son of a bitch!" Donut cried out as he ducked for cover.<p>

* * *

><p>That's Red vs. Blue for you, I suppose. They do the physically impossible all the time.<p>

"Aw, crap!" Church exclaimed. Tucker and I simply stared at our leader in silent disbelief. Turning to face us, he asked "What?"

"You're **really** not very good with that thing, are you?" the aqua/teal/shamrock/mint armored future swordsman asked.

Donut then called out to us from the distance, saying "Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember?!" All while waving the flag back and forth at us. Not a very smart move to do when you're being shot at by the enemy team.

"Oh great, now he's taunting us," Tucker complained. "That's just embarrassing."

"Not as embarrassing as the fact that you've never gotten laid," I muttered.

"What was that?!" he exclaimed, aiming a gun at me.

"You heard me, virgin," I replied.

"I think he just burned you," Caboose said.

"Yes, Caboose," I said to him. "Yes I did."

"Alright, that's it, I've had it," Church said angrily. "Rookie, you stay here with Michael. Tucker and I will go through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass."

"Right," Caboose said.

"Actually, Church, I think I'll be better help if I go with you," I suggested. "No telling what that guy is capable of."

"Yeah, good idea. Come one, Tucker, let's go."

Tucker backed away from the teleporter, saying "There is no way I'm going through that thing."

"Tucker, we don't have time for this," Church said. "Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?"

"I don't know, why would they give us a tank if nobody knows how to drive it?" Tucker countered.

"You know, he's got a point," I said. "Command isn't exactly made up of geniuses, you know."

"But we already tested the teleporter, and it works."

"We threw rocks at it!" Tucker cried out.

"Yeah, and your point is?" Church asked, his patience beginning to wear thin. "The rocks came out of the other side, didn't they?"

"Yeah, but they were covered in black stuff."

"Soot," I threw in.

"Oh, so I guess this is what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff."

"Yes," Tucker confirmed. "I am. I am afraid of black stuff."

"Racist." Yeah, that was just to easy.

Sighing, Church said "Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you." He then raised his gun at Tucker.

"I'm not really sorry about it," I said as I aimed _Avalon_ at Tucker.

Eyes narrowing at us, Tucker said "You wouldn't..."

"You know, there's two ways this can go, Tuck," I said. "Either A, we go through the teleporter and get the flag back, or B, we can stay here and shoot you to death."

"Either way," Church added, "we win."

Tucker turned to face the teleporter. "For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people."

"Duly noted," Church said. "Now get in there."

"Crap," Tucker muttered. "Alright. One, two..."

With that, Tucker charged through the teleporter.

And did **not** appear on the other side.

"...That's not good, is it?" I asked.

Church nervously backed away from the teleporter. "Yeeeeaaaahhh, I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter." As Church and I ran off to catch Donut, the former yelled "Okay, rookie! Stay here! We'll be back with the flag!"

* * *

><p><em>Sully Verser's POV:<em>

* * *

><p>"I still have no idea what you're talking about," Simmons said. "I didn't hear any shots."<p>

Sighing, Grif said "I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam."

"Grif," I said, "that was **three** shots."

"Bam." With that, Grif looked through the sniper rifle's scope to see what was going on. "Wait a second, we've got a blue guy on the move out there."

"Which color?" I asked.

"Cobalt, so it must be their boss, if you're intel is right."

**_'Is he doubting my skill?'_**

_'You realize that I only told them because of what I know about Red vs. Blue, right?'_

**_'Still, though. A woman has her pride to think about.'_**

Rolling my eyes, I heard Simmons ask "Where's he headed?"

"Somewhere to the left," Grif answered. "What could be...oh, crap. It's Donut! And he's got something. It looks like..." Turning slowly around, Grif said with complete seriousness "Guys, get the Puma."

"Before that, I just want to say something." When they both had their attention on me, I held out my hand and said "Cough it up, suckers."

The two soldiers were confused at that, before realization dawned on them. Grumbling, they both muttered "Son of a bitch," as they forked over the money in their wallets. Just like that, I had made an easy $68.

Smirking behind my helmet, I said "Okay, **now** let's get in the Puma."

As we headed to the Puma, I knew that we were heading headlong into a chain of events that we'd never be able to come back from.

I made a mental note to stock up on headache medicine.

* * *

><p><strong>And that ends the second chapter of Red vs. Blue with Multiverser: The Blood Gulch Chronicles.<strong>

**Sorry for not updating this (or my other Multiverser fics sooner, but I was dealing with life at the time. Plus, I'm planning on starting a couple other Multiverser stories soon, so I hope you'll enjoy them when they come out.**

**Also, I have to say, I'm glad I'm able to do this fic, as RvB is one of my favorite series to watch (I'm especially liking the current arc of the show), and I'm even more excited that I can be a part of the action, even if it is only in fanfiction.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't know when I'll be able to update this again, but I hope its soon enough. In the meantime, feel free to read my other stories at your leisure, as well as wait in anticipation for the next chapter. Here's a bit of a spoiler alert: there will be swordsmanship, as Michael and Shepard go head to head.**

**Anyway, please leave a comment or review. But there will be no flames, or I will have Caboose team kill you.**


End file.
